Written by Wenger Boy
on
Monday, 06 June 2011 12:51
Ahhhh.... What a glorious day it is today.
It’s the first day of the working week, the rain has come out to play and one of our brightest prospects is linked to a rival club during the summer transfer window. Again.
The joy.
But rather than let all of that weigh heavy on your mind like a jagged granite hat I’ve decided to provide a list of 101 things that I consider to be more fun, useful or, indeed, imaginative than needlessly stressing about what has already been an annoying and sigh inducing transfer period. I’m sure from the content of the list you will be fully able to work out a) how excited I am about the transfer window right and now and b) how many hallucinogenic mushrooms my work has slipped into our instant coffee supply.
Before I present the list I would first ask you to be dangerously aware that you can now find me on Twitter @WengerBoy1 and I would be more than happy to have you following me provided that you promise to wait quietly outside my house when I get home. I don’t have enough Tesco ready meals to go round I’m afraid.
With that in mind, here’s the list:*
*This might seem like drivel to you but I assure you this has been created for entirely selfish reasons and is as much a way of keeping myself occupied as entertaining y’all.
1. Moving all of the sand in the Sahara to the Gobi using a pair of tweezers from a Christmas cracker.
2. Re-alphabetising your crayon collection (because you know you can never find that ‘aubergine delight’ when you need it most).
3. Convincing yourself you only have nine fingers.
4. Building a double size model of Tracy Island out of Kingsmill.
5. Sneaking out at night to secretly replace all of the British Navy’s missiles with various endangered species.
6. Releasing a hit record for Charity and then donating all of the proceeds to nuclear weapons research.
7. Hacking into Chaz’s and Dave’s email accounts (assuming they don’t share) and starting a minor argument between them.
8. Trying to memorise the shape of every Cheerio in a box and getting someone to test you later at gunpoint.
9. Saying the word ‘dodecahedron’ over and over until you start dribbling.
10. Burning stuff.
11. Inventing a new letter of the alphabet and publically chiding any child you overhear not using it correctly.
12. Emerging from a reinforced cabin with a long beard and a shotgun convinced that the real world ended with the Y2K bug and that everyone alive now is a zombie/robot hybrid powered by the in-tuh-net.
13. Reading every other word of ‘War and Peace’.
14. Having a child and raising it believe that he/she has been chosen by the almighty Zanaguzu to become king/queen of all humanity on his/her 28th birthday, only to deny it all completely a couple of hours before.
15. Making lists of 101 things containing significantly less than 101 things.
16. Pouncing like a reet lioness.
17. Being genuinely nice to everyone forever.
18. Quoting yourself as a source for any statistic you use to back up an argument.
19. Drawing around a corn cob pipe.
20. Snoring.
And that’s your lot. 101 fantastic ideas you keep you all occupied. If any of you have your own ideas please feel to post them in the comments below.
Thanks,
WB
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