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Written by Muppet Gooner on Monday, 08 August 2011 08:31
We iz da future of arsenal, innit. not da gaffa, not da massiv gansta gazidis wiv da ze wodge of dough, not kroenke dat comes ere once in de blue moon. we iz da fans, and we iz not chilled wiv ze proceedings dis summa. we az a quillion days to sort out ze transfers, and if u don't mind me sayin, we ain't done diddily squat. We iz brainiest, da fans. we know ze story. wot is a appenin in da house is crustitanion. we iz oldin out fa da massiv pay day, but it ain't a comin, dig da rooney air transplant.
If u were a scholar of istory, dig i is, u know dat ze godfatha neva negotiated. he just chopped off da orses ead, innit. ze arsenal board need ze wisom of da fans. I will offa me advice at any time, me is so brainiest dat i won da village championship main man competition 2 years in a ruk. we iz able to impart carefully oned brinkmanship skills learned on da street corna, negotaiatin fa da fittest afghan snow.
Ze position is simple. spend da dough and match ze numba of players goin out wiv ze numba of players comin in. at da moment, ze numbers no match. we ship clichy to shitty and it checks dig eboue to turkey. almunia iz gone back to da circus. now, me no wicked at arithmetic but dat means we need 3 players already. jenkinson dont count cos he scored an own goal from outside da area. gervinho needs a air cut. so we iz of da opinion dat we still need 5 players. now, we all knowz dat brazil is da wickedest cukabilly side in istory innit ? so we need players dig maradona, cyruff, zidane, moore and da dig. we propose dat ze photos of these players is circulated to ze scouts, so dey can check fa players who check dig them around da world. simples.
Me old geeza always used to sayz 'look afta squids son, and dat will check afta da pennies'. We iz of da opinion dat from da quillions due our way fa eboue, almunia and clicy, we got a massiv bounty geeza. we can go shoppin in da arrods. but, john cross, da tabloid geeza innit, says we is shoppin in lidl.
Me numba on ze waitin list is 993429034892384,but if we get a wicked start, me threatun to pull out in protest. ze cukabilly will realise dwindlin elp and mebbe sign samba before deadline. dat is my current preya, dat da lord samba comes to rescue our defence. cos geeza, i already place orda fa multi pack pants at next. da jury is still out on everyone else geeza. we about is ready fa dis new season as cescys achilles.
Me crew told me da news dat we will play undinese and i nearly shat me pants. wot ope do weze ave wiv da mafia involved. gazidis is a wallflowa and we aint got any weapons. he ain't no wartime consiwhatsit. walcott, diaby, wilshere is in a coma and cesc, nasri will be seein special counsellors to advise on their kidnap. thun we playin da mancs, dippers and stripes. fook me. We iz not goin to need me supply of laxatives dis season. We iz for real pessimistic dis season. might borrow up and go abroad. seriously, innit. we got us as much chance as a air on ray wilkins ead. if ze board as listened to da fans afta we went unbeatun da whole year, thun none of dis would be appenin. a massiv stoppa, an artic in front of da back 4 and a world class strika. dis iz ze mantra of da fans, but nobody iz listenin. piece.
Fancy writing your own articles for fellow Gooners to read? Click Your Vision section.
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08-Aug-2011 09:03 | | South Yorkshire GunnerLoad of bollocks.
Concentrate on setting up that 32" widescreen TV that you looted at the weekend.
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08-Aug-2011 09:13 | | MeanLean
I think the fact that many think this is a serious piece just shows how much nonsense there is 'on da internet init'
It is tongue in cheek. Here is a more serious article written by the same author. (copy and paste)...
http://aculturedleftfoot.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/arsenal-serial-over- achievers-or-par-for-the-course/
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08-Aug-2011 09:14 | | Darran LancleyPlease say this is a joke. Attention to all non-Arsenal fans....this guy does not represent us!! We dislike him just as much as you do!
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08-Aug-2011 09:21 | | haideroat last someone create some fun, coz Arsene wenger made fun of us, not admitting his mistake.this
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08-Aug-2011 09:23 | | The LawBrilliant Muppet! Just brilliant! I've got tears in me eyez son. Only one question though: What the fook is crustitanion?
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08-Aug-2011 09:34 | | OsiArsene Wenger hasn't committed any mistakes; he's fighting against odds. Can YOu not see that Arsenal cannot fund the acquisition of those expensive players? If you know a little bit about finance and economics then you can see there are almost 5 clubs who have better resources than Arsenal. It's not the fault of Arsene that Arsenal don't have crazy investors like ManU, Cite or Chelsea.
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08-Aug-2011 09:34 | | arsedave1Priceless Mate!! Best laugh I've had in ages
Even funnier when I read the comments taking it seriously.
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08-Aug-2011 09:40 | | Tattie - MuppetThe Arsenal situation is causing us all concern. Some deal with it through angry words, others through analysis and a few handle it with a sense of comedy. I thought this was a novel way of expressing what I am certainly feeling. First time I have laughed at the Arsenal debacle all summer.
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08-Aug-2011 10:40 | | AnonymousSome Arsenal fans remind me of Charlie Brown, the comic strip character who suffers from manic depression. In one strip he says: “This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.” http://bit.ly/opNt0J Anyone who took this article seriously needs to go and see a doctor asap
bulshit-
08-Aug-2011 12:11 | | above@llpower$ - wildernessapparently the guy just crowld out of a mountain crack
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08-Aug-2011 12:54 | | M Britton - Here's real footie.Check out markbritton7 on wordpress. I'm a bias Gooner, a good read. Hates shawcross. What more do we want? http://markbritton7.wordpress.com/
.painful read-hilarious tho.-
08-Aug-2011 18:04 | | Streetboy177WTF was that?
I was expecting various fans view of the close season and predition for up coming season. i was lead to belive you had gone out and spoken to fans, seen their reaction to the issues everybody is talking about. I thought I would be reading something to cheer us up, especially when we receive constant Arsenal bashing day after day from the media.
YOU SHOULD BE
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08-Aug-2011 18:05 | | Streetboy177WTF was that?
I was expecting various fans view of the close season and predition for up coming season. i was lead to belive you had gone out and spoken to fans, seen their reaction to the issues everybody is talking about. I thought I would be reading something to cheer us up, especially when we receive constant Arsenal bashing day after day from the media.
YOU SHOULD BE
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09-Aug-2011 02:09 | | GodwinI know it's not supposed to be serious, it still makes arsenalvision like like a bunch of mugs though. Back to arsenalmania for me.
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11-Aug-2011 03:44 | | haha - thats funnyConcentrate on setting up that 32" widescreen TV that you looted at the weekend...................
hhahahaha now thats comedy i wish i was young enough to carry a 32inch tele on my back but sadly im to old to cause anarchy , but at least it was a bit of entertainment.
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