Good evening, boys ‘n’ girls. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.
We all love a bit of transfer gossip, don’t we? Whether it be dreaming of a grand marquee signing to fill our hearts with joy and expectation, or the concept of receiving actual currency from the departure of Squillaci; everyone has an opinion on the business to be conducted over the summer months.
I’m no different, so I decided to dedicate this weeks column to the wild, speculative rumours swirling around all the varied and delicious news outlets I frequent. There are a few areas I think the team requires reinforcement. Without further ado, I shall plunge straight into sharing my thoughts with you. As Samuel L. Jackson exclaimed in Jurrassic Park, “Hold on to your butts”...
Goalkeeper: No, I’m not saying we need to replace Szczsney. He’ll be the first choice at Arsenal for quite some time, and justifiably so. However, in the event of the young Pole suffering an injury, we aren't exactly blessed with a plethora of reliable alternatives. Alumnia is, well... quite frankly; bloody useless. Fabianski does have talent, but was born with a propensity for calamitous blunders and looks like a nervous wreck whenever he’s on the pitch. Neither manage to instill an overflowing confidence.
One, if not both, are likely to pack their respective bags and head off to pastures new. What we need is an established, seasoned professional to act as a deputy to Szczsney - someone who won’t have a flapping seizure or come screaming out of his goal for no particular reason. Craig Gordon at Sunderland is out of contract in the summer and wouldn’t be a bad shout.
Defensive Midfielder: I personally think that this is the most important area of the team, and the area we are most lacking. Alex Song, for all his fine work going forward, tends to neglect his defensive duties, resulting in a gaping chasm for opponents to scamper through at their will. Some folks will have you believe that the Vieira/Makelele role is a thing of the past, and modern day football consists of a midfield of players capable of assuming the responsibilities upon requirement. I agree with that to an extent, but it doesn't change the fact that it’s a position we need. Our defensive shambles this season invariably stem from insufficient cover from the midfield because Alex is up the other end of the field trying to be Dennis Bergkamp. There needs to be more stability and cover in front of the back four.
Yaan M’Vila of Rennes is the popular choice to arrive over the summer, and he looks a strong, tenacious player in the mould of Flamini. Adding a little bite in our midfield wouldn’t go amiss either. For all our beautifully intricate approach play, there’s the odd occasion I’d like to see someone thunder through Joey Barton in the centre circle. That might just be because he’s Joey Barton.
Second striker: We, without question, need one of these. I’m as surprised as any of you that Robin’s notoriously chocolately limbs have kept going through an entire campaign. We are lucky to have a striker of his calibre in such a rich and uninterrupted vein of form. Otherwise, I dread to imagine the depths we’d be languishing. He needs support, someone to take the burden off his shoulders, someone who can be relied upon to pose a threat to the opposition goal.
Our drug-addled Moroccan hair-gel enthusiast could be shipped out on account of his Shisha pipe antics. The greatest footballer in the known universe, Nicklas Bendtner is unlikely to return. Our only other options at present are Theo upfront or Ju-Young Park.
Another popular choice is Lukas Podolski. If you believe what you read, he’s already passed 327 medicals at Arsenal in various places across the globe, and he’ll be signing next week. Or the week after that. No, definitely the week after that. I’ve a friend who’s the chief provider of the kit man’s laundry detergent, and he told me it’s a done deal...
Foolishness aside, the German international is a good player. He’s the attributes to suit our style of player and comes with a wealth of experience. The one question surrounds his ability to adapt. It’s well documented in Germany that his move to Bayern wasn’t a phenomenal success. Could he adapt to the speed and brutality of the English game? Only time would be able to answer.
These, however, are merely the opinions of yours truly. Arsenal Vision is a site that embraces the thoughts and views of others, so don’t be shy to pop your ideal signings down in the comments section. Maybe say something nice about this post I’ve written, too. Alternatively, you can cruelly denounce my contributions as an abomination of epic proportion and demand Mean Lean has my publicly obliterated.
Either way, I look forward to hearing from a few of you guys. Thanks for taking the time to read. You can keep up with me, my daily blog and all my extraneous babble on Twitter @_ArmchairGooner.
Until next week, darlings. Take it easy.